Have you ever hid parts of yourself to fit in?

I have one too many times.

Actually, I started Loving My Wild because I was tired of hiding a part of me that I thought would be judged.

I’ve been into self help and personal development since I was 12. My brother introduced me to The Secret and after many conversations about manifestation, I was hooked.

12 year old me: WHAT? You can actually create a life that you want? Does that mean that I can get boys to like me?

Through conversations with my brother, I started to understand that we don’t have to be a victim of our circumstances and that we can co-create with the universe. And that we can change our thoughts, actions, and beliefs.

But at school, the only thing kids wanted to talk about were the boys they found on myspace from the next town over.

I didn’t want to seem weird. So I started pretending I had boy drama myself and kept the “deep” part of me separate.

When I was at school, I tried to fit in by keeping up with the latest Laguna Beach drama. But when I was at home, I was looking up practical ways to change my thoughts.

When I was in college, I spent Saturday nights drinking unflavored, bottom shelf vodka and my Sunday mornings at the library reading Tony Robbins books.

When I lived with roommates, I hid my vision boards in drawers so no one would see them.

When I was in relationships, I would wake up early and say I was doing yoga, but actually spent an hour before work meditating and writing out affirmations.

I would tell my friends I couldn’t go out because I was busy with work, but I was on my couch listening to growth seminars.

I wanted to fit in more than anything, I wanted people to like me. But not at the expense of knowing who I really was. I didn’t enjoy lying, but I didn’t think there was any other way. I felt lying was the only solution to be liked and still be myself when I was alone.

It wasn’t until everything I put my worth in was ripped out from underneath me that I started to explore my authenticity and figure out who I truly was (you can hear about that here). Now, I find it heartbreaking that I had to go through those lengths for approval. But truth is, I still have so many moments where I do, say, or think things out of ego.

Maybe not in the grandiose ways I used to, but I still go out drinking when I want to stay in so that I’m seen as “fun”. I still say nothing is wrong when I’m frustrated so that I appear “laid back”. And, I still hide that I have a personal development blog so that people don’t think I’m “too serious”.

The difference now is that it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel good to hide myself. It doesn’t feel good to do things that I don’t want to do or act in ways I don’t feel align with me.

These masks that we wear are normal, we all wear them in different ways. But just because they’ve served a purpose in protecting us doesn’t mean that we need to continue to carry them into the future.

If you want to live an authentic life, it’s important to identify when this is happening so that you can re-direct back to your authentic self.

 

Why is it important to stay in alignment with your authentic self?

Realigning with your authentic self is an act of self love. Because it’s identifying things that don’t align with you and saying that you’re worthy of being your true self. It’s saying that you’re worthy of taking up space. Of speaking up. Of saying no to things you don’t want to do. Of only doing things that light you up.

It’s important to stay in alignment with your authentic self because it’s important to be YOU. The world doesn’t need another imposter. It needs YOU and your greatness. And trust me, you’re worthy of shining your light.

Relationships thrive when you’re able to be honest and authentic. The connection can only go so deep when you’re hiding parts of yourself. The reason you have the mask on in the first place is because you’re fearful of not receiving love. Well, not being your authentic self is reinforcing that very reality because how can someone love you if they don’t know who you truly are?

Lastly, it’s fuuuucking exhausting trying to be someone else. It takes so much energy trying to cover up who are we inside just to fit in. Imagine if all that energy was able to be used elsewhere? Like to learn something new or do something you’ve always wanted to do. There is so much world out there to experience and love to feel, and we can’t do that if we are hiding behind our masks desperate to fit in.

Finding your authentic, true self isn’t a one stop shop. But it’s important because then you’re able to use that as a benchmark to guide if you’re staying true to yourself or if you’re straying away from it.

Once you become more in tune with yourself and what it feels like to be your authentic self, you’ll start to realize when you’re starting to disconnect from it. This will help strengthen your relationship with yourself.

It bears repeating, letting your true self shine is an act of self love.

 

How to know when you’re out of alignment with your authentic self

Knowing that you’re out of alignment requires self awareness. But if you’re still working on that, here are some signs to help you determine if you’re out of alignment with your authentic self:

• You feel like you can never get anything right

• You’re saying no when you want to say yes

• You make decisions based on others’ feelings and neglect your own

• You feel “off” and disconnected from yourself

• You feel like people don’t really know who you really are

• You may not know who you are

• You can’t think of things that you enjoy, value, and believe

• You often feel sluggish, unmotivated, uninspired

• You find yourself doing things you don’t actually want to do

• You feel stuck

• Nothing seems to be working

• You’re getting anxious, frustrated, angry, or overwhelmed more often than usual

• You don’t feel like you can speak up about what’s on your mind, your beliefs, and values

Being out of alignment will look different for everyone. So start to pay attention to what it feels like when you feel most like yourself. This will help you start to gauge the moments when you may be acting out of ego instead of as your true self.

 

What does it mean to be in alignment with yourself?

To be aligned with your authentic self is to be connect with your self worth.

When you have high self worth, you’re able to separate yourself from your ego to see who you are authentically, and you’re able to unequivocally show up as you in the world.

So, here are some things you may feel when you start to align with your authentic self or when you’re living in alignment:

• You feel pleasure and a sense of ease

• Life is just easier

• Like you’re in a natural state of flow

• You are attracting people and things to you

• You get a better idea of what you want for your life

• You feel grateful for the good and the bad

• You feel secure because you know you have your own back

• You’re able to let go of what no longer serves you

• You prioritize your own emotional well being

• You know your core values and you act on them

• You are listening to your intuition

• You are following your passions despite what other’s think

• You’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable

• You are setting boundaries despite how they make other’s feel

If you’re not feeling an abundance of the above, there may be a good change that you are out of alignment with your authentic self.

 

Not sure if you’re in or out of alignment?

Tune into your body. Do you feel good? Lit up? Excited about life?

Or do you feel bad? Sluggish? Unmotivated? Less than?

We take advantage of all of the information our bodies are capable of telling us. If you’re honest with yourself, you will know if you are in alignment or not based on how you feel.

Or, journal it out! I think writing things out can solve 90% of our problems.

When do you feel the most like yourself? How do you feel? How do you act in these moments?

When do you feel like you’re not yourself? How do you feel? How do you act in these moments?

Where is most of my energy spent? Doing things that feel good? Or do I feel bad a lot of the time?

 

If you think you might be out of alignment with your authentic self, check out “How to Find Your Authentic Self”.

For now, deep dive into what our authentic self is and how we become disconnected from it here.