Ep. 1 – My Journey to Fill the Void of Not Feeling Good Enough

written by: Adreanna Santos     |     January 27, 2021

My Journey to Fill the Void of Not Feeling Good Enough

I know what it's like to feel not good enough, lost, empty and alone. Like you're just going through the motions of life and don't really know why you're here. There's a hole inside of all of us that we try to fill with things like money, clothes, relationships, but at the end of the day, nothing truly satisfies it until we learn to love ourselves. In this podcast episode, I share my journey of self-discovery, how I used a relationship to fill the “why am I not good enough” void I felt, and how I was forced to build self esteem after ending an engagement.

And if you can relate, I'm sharing the importance of self esteem and tips on how to build self esteem below.

Listen to my story here:

Listen on Spotify | Listen on Apple Podcasts

Can you relate?

You're not sure why, but lately you've been feeling down on yourself. You don't feel as confident as you used to and you're second-guessing everything you do. You don't feel good enough for your job, your friends, or your family. You start to wonder why you even bother trying anymore.  

If you don't have healthy self-esteem, it can be hard to feel good about yourself. You might not feel deserving of good things in your life, and as a result, you may not pursue your goals or dreams. You might also find yourself in toxic relationships because you don't believe you deserve anything better. Not having healthy self-esteem can also lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

If this sounds like you, then it might be time to start working on your self-esteem. Building self-esteem can be hard, but it's worth it. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel better about yourself and your abilities. You're more likely to take risks and try new things. You're also more likely to be successful in your endeavors. 

If you're struggling with self-esteem, know that you're not alone. It can be difficult to build healthy self-esteem, but it's not impossible. Keep reading to learn some strategies for improving your self-esteem.


Reasons to build self esteem

So many people go through life not feeling good enough. They look in the mirror and they see all of their flaws and they start to believe that's all they are--flaws. They compare themselves to other people and they think, "Why can't I be like her? She's so perfect." 

It's not easy living with low self esteem. You always feel like you're not good enough, no matter what you do. You're always comparing yourself to others and coming up short. You berate yourself for your mistakes and dwell on your failures. As a result, you miss out on a lot of opportunities and experiences because you don't think you're good enough.

Not feeling good enough is something we all deal with at some point in our lives. In fact, 85% of Americans suffer from low self esteem. For some, it's a passing phase. For others, it becomes a way of life. But the truth is, we are all imperfect and that's what makes us beautiful. The key is to learn to love yourself for who you are--flaws and all.

If you're stuck in a cycle of low self-esteem, it can feel like there's no way out. But the good news is, there is hope. With a little effort, you can begin to build your self-esteem and feel more confident in yourself. It won't happen overnight, but with time and persistence, you can start to see positive results.

So if you're ready to make a change, here are some steps you can take to begin to build your self esteem.

self esteem is made up of two things: feeling lovable and feeling capable

Not feeling good enough? Here's how to build self esteem:

If you're not feeling good enough, it can be hard to feel confident and pursue your goals. But the good news is, there are things you can do to start building your self-esteem. Here are some tips: 


Acknowledging that you feel like you're not good enough is the first step in filling the void

You're not alone in feeling like you're not good enough, literally every single human struggles with this same limiting belief. But acknowledging that is the first step. It means you're conscious of the need to improve. From there, you can develop a plan to work on your self-confidence. And with time and effort, you will get to where you want to be.


Understand that feelings are temporary and do not define you as a person

Just because you feel like you're not good enough does not mean that it's true. 

Keep in mind that how we view ourselves is often not a true reflection of who we are. How we view ourselves is often distorted based on our past experiences and insecurities. I love reminding myself of this because it lets me know that I am not always the best judge of who I am, and that my thoughts about myself are often not accurate.

Also, feelings are temporary and they come and go. They do not define who you are as a person. So if you're feeling down about yourself, remind yourself that it's only a feeling, and that limited belief is being triggered by a deep-rooted insecurity based on what you're currently experiencing - that feeling is not reality.


Once you've acknowledged how you feel, it's important to start exploring why you might feel that way

There's usually a reason why we feel the way we do, and it's often based on our past experiences or insecurities. For example, if you're not feeling good enough, it might be because you had an experience in the past where you didn't meet your own standards. Or maybe you compare yourself to others a lot and feel like you fall short. 

Identifying the root cause of your low self-esteem is crucial in order to address it. Once you know why you feel the way you do, you can begin to work on changing those beliefs about yourself. 

Try doing some inner child and shadow work to get to the root of your low self esteem.


After you've explored the reasons behind your feelings, it's time to start thinking about how to change those feelings

Once you uncover the root causes of your low self esteem, you can begin challenging those beliefs and reprogram new beliefs into your subconscious.

One way to change the way you feel is to start changing the way you think. Pay attention to your self-talk and be aware of the negative thoughts you have about yourself. Once you're aware of the negative thoughts, you can start challenging them. 

For example, if you're thinking "I'm not good enough," ask yourself "Why not?" or "What evidence do I have to support this belief?" After you challenge the negative thought, come up with a more positive and realistic thought to replace it. 

It takes time and practice to change the way you think, but it's worth it because it can lead to big changes in how you feel about yourself.

Woman laughing outdoors

Make a list of things that make you unique and valuable can help you start to feel better about yourself

One of the best ways to remind yourself of your worth is to make a list of things that make you unique and valuable. This can be anything from your accomplishments to your personality traits. We have our own skills, talents, and qualities that make us special. And even though we may not always feel confident, there is always greatness within us.

Seeing everything that makes you special and valuable can help you start to feel better about yourself.

Related: 50+ Insightful Journal Prompts for Self Love to Build Your Self Esteem and Confidence


Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses

We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and it's important to acknowledge both in order to have a healthy view of yourself. Part of loving yourself is being honest about who you are. So instead of trying to hide your weaknesses or downplay your strengths, embrace them both.

Doing shadow work is incredibly helpful for identifying the parts of yourself that you hide, and healing the shame you feel about them to become whole again.


Find a hobby or activity that makes you feel good about yourself 

Doing things that make us feel good help us to love ourselves more. When we engage in activities that make us happy, it not only improves our mood but also helps to increase our self love.

It can be anything from painting to playing an instrument to hiking. The important thing is that it's something that you enjoy and that makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe it's something that allows you to tap into your creative side or maybe it's something that helps you to get out into nature and appreciate the beauty around you. Whatever it is, make sure it's something that makes you feel good about yourself.


In moments of low self esteem, recall a time when you felt good enough and what made that moment special

When you're feeling down about yourself, it can be helpful to remember a time when you felt good enough. What made that moment special? Was it a time when you achieved something you're proud of? Or maybe it was a time when someone complimented you and made you feel good about yourself. 

Recalling these moments can help to remind you that you are capable and deserving of love and respect.

Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself

Another way to increase your self love is to spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. These people might be friends, family members, or even co-workers. When we're around people who make us feel good, it can help us to feel better about ourselves. Their positive energy can boost our vibration which can then create a ripple effect in our mood.


Be kind to yourself

This includes being gentle with your words and actions. So instead of beating yourself up or putting yourself down, try to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. 

This doesn't mean that you should never challenge yourself or strive for improvement. But it does mean that you should cut yourself some slack and not be so hard on yourself when you make a mistake or don't meet your expectations.

Related: 8 Practical Ways To Be Kind To Yourself, No Matter What Life Throws At You

The best gift is you sign

Believe in yourself

Have faith in your abilities and know that you are capable of achieving your goals. 

When you believe in yourself, it becomes easier to take risks and pursue your dreams. You'll also be more likely to see failure as an opportunity to learn and grow instead of a reason to give up.


Talk to a therapist or counselor if you are struggling to cope with not feeling good enough

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can't seem to shake the feeling that we're not good enough. If this is something you're struggling with, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor. They can help you to understand the root of your issue and give you tools to deal with it.

Related: Thinking about Starting Therapy? Here are Some Tips


If you're feeling down on yourself, know that you are not alone. Millions of people battle with self esteem and self worth issues on a daily basis, including me. 

I hope that by sharing my story and struggle with self esteem in the podcast episode, I have helped you to feel a little less alone in your own journey. 

It is hard to love ourselves when the world tells us so many different things about who we are supposed to be. But know that you are not defined by external opinions or standards. You are worthy of love just as you are.

And when you're feeling low, remember that you're not stuck. There are things you can do to improve your self esteem and love yourself more. I've put together a free guide called the "Self Love Kickstart" to help get you started. 

This guide will give you all the tools you need to start loving yourself more deeply and completely. With a little effort, self love can become second nature to you – and when that happens, the sky is the limit!

I’m an expert at subconscious reprogramming, a nerd when it comes to human behavior, and my obsession is teaching others how to be their best selves (without all of the resistance and self-sabotage).

hey there!

I'm Adreanna.

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